Our planet is in dire peril. For thousands of days now, a dark threat has been growing. It’s ugly head looming larger each day. This magnificent beast, the scourge of society, is fake news, which has now been estimated to be the cause of nearly 80 million fake deaths worldwide in the last year alone!
It’s about time someone stood up to the maddening insanity in this crepuscular hour. And that’s us. A raggity taggity group of crotchety millennials armed with morals and opinions and judgment bringing hope and inspiration to the nation. Don’t let our collectively low levels of actual life experience fool you. We’ve drawn a line in the sand and loudly proclaimed: no farther (editor’s note: further?)!
By shining the light of truthy enlightenment upon the maddening darkness enveloping the deepest inter-webs, we shall prevail against our foe. And even if we don’t succeed at fully ridding our world from this terrible blight of media deception — this sheep’s wool-pulling epidemic — you should know that our secondary plan is a lot more realistic and honestly probably better suited for us:
To save the youth of our fair society in their time of gravest need, by offering a 24-7 reliable source of quotable material from our crack-shot squad of intellectual experts. Yes, we offer salvation to every late night quandary where a little procrastination has lead to an urgent need for primary source material for every term paper from kindergarten straight up through the colleges.
Many people have asked us what inspired us to chose the name “The North Mountain.” And to better understand that, here’s a list of the other names we came up with, ranked, in order and clearly far worse:
- The Journal of Journalistic Integrity And Other Things
- Christopher Robin’s Blog after doing Drugs and a Degree in the Liberal Arts
- The Real Reason There’s no South Virginia
- The Diary of Davey Crocket for the Modern Reader
- Straight From the Couch Desk
- Get a Life; No You First Edition
- Bonky Bonkers and the Boys Who Bonk Them