Posted by The year is 1945. A young man by the name of Hans Josef Dietrich Reichenheart the III had just washed up onto the shores of Helsingborg, Sweden clutching in his nearly lifeless hands a leather case holding a secret manuscript. After risking his life to save its contents of untold significance, he wondered if his desperate journey had been too late.
But it was. The war was over. Freedom had won…
Newsflash, Nazis! Freedom always wins.
Fast forward to modern times, where a resurgence of neo-Nazism in America of all places has brought into the spotlight recycled philosophies and renewed fervor for racism and facism. But the next time a neo-Nazi tells you how great their ideas are, just ask them how the Nazis could be so great if they unconditionally surrendered at the height of their power to nearly the entire rest of the world? Talk about losers!
Things Better than the Nazis:
- Le French. Yes, you read that right. The French beat the Nazis in WW2 by joining Team America. The same country that gives us French Poodles, eats snails and cow brains as a delicacy, and invented the metric system of all things! I mean, who even knows what a kilometre is anyway??
- Communism. Yup, that was on the winning side. Apparently enslaving the entire free world is a more noble cause than Nazism.
- Luxembourg. It’s only 35 miles wide. And it too beat the Nazis
- Canada. The Nazi military power couldn’t stand up to the terrible might of the Royal Canadian Mounties raining down cold hard thunder
- Czechoslovakia. A country most people can’t even spell it, but even they had no problem spanking the Nazis into unconditional defeat
- India. I mean, we’re talking about a land so wild McDonalds can’t even sell beef and pork on their hamburgers there! But guess what? Boom. On the winning team! They beat those Nazis.
- Panama. Also beat the Nazis. Probably best known for their 48 mile ditch — turns out, that has also had a far more successful run than the Nazis
- China. They use domesticated geese on their police force and once banned Brad Pitt for over 15 years. Boom. Still beat the Nazis.
- Brazil. Waxed the Nazis just like they wax their nether regions!
