We may not be the smartest, best dressed, most reverent, or even that good at writing. But when it comes to the intangibles, well, you cannot even begin to touch this. You try assembling a better team of entitled yupsters with mediocre work ethic and the ability to hit secondary and even tertiary deadlines!
Manfred Broski says he writes extensively on topics of brain and brawn, but give him a glass of wine and he’s going to be all about the poetry and feelings. He’s a recovering mansplainer, bleeds red, white, and blue, and doesn’t ever fraternize with communists.
Favorite song: ‘Murica the Beautiful
Role: writer, chief strategist, resident expert on manliness and/or patriotism
Billiam Mcdonald is all about the beards, bros, and brewskis. A bit of a fashion icon in his younger days, he exclusively wore overalls in highschool. He named his pet raccoon “Peaches” and, like many Americans, really likes to exercise his Ammendment right.
Favorite drink: Anything pink with an umbrella if alone. A craft beer you’ve never heard of if being watched.
Role: writer, cynic, and really just a cool dude who’s not exactly the thickest book on the shelf
Calico Sally writes about the sciences because ladies can do things now! She’s kind of a big deal in the world of pharmaceutical sommeliers, having personally tested 33 new drugs last year! Not much of a fan of the FDA, she’s currently attempting to patent a new drug delivery system that makes liberal use of the ear canal.
Favorite pastime: Cinnamon
Role: Editor-in-Chief and really, whatever she wants
Wilbur H. S. Johnson is never happier than when sipping a good cup of tea and engaging in his only pastime of condemning social and economic pariahs, writing, as always, from an insightful right-leaning political perspective that sometimes skews a bit really way far out there. Is he secretly a leftist mole using eloquent satire to make his points? We’ll never know, because he doesn’t know what half those words mean!
Favorite word: Dingbat
Role: editor extraordinare (he doesn’t hold to french spellings)
Doctor Savant is not actually a doctor, but that is her legal name thanks to two very ambitious parents making their preference for their daughter’s career abundantly clear on day 1. Combined with a pair of middle names handed down from Grandmothers Mei and Delores, she has benefited on more than one misprint resulting in: Dr. Savant M.D.
Favorite Food: Pizza and anything with funfetti
Role: writer, editor, and overly enthusiastic botanist
Tobert O’Tooley has been fired and is no longer allowed inside the building. But that doesn’t mean he did not leave a mark. It’s about 2 feet wide and runs the full length of the conference room. If you see any Craigslist ads offering bids in the “finer construction arts” by a “nearly licensed carpenter” you would do well to stay away.
Favorite power tool: the backhoe
Role: Wrecker of dreams and very expensive mirrors